Tuesday, March 2, 2010

10 Comebacks For The Next Time Someone Asks You About Your Custom Shop Relic Guitar

It's funny how non-guitar-playing folk get the concept of a new pair of faded, distressed jeans but absolutely balk at the idea of a relic guitar

And sometimes you just get tired of having to continually rationalize the rather beat up appearance of your relic'd axe to annoying relatives -- your lengthy explanation of the precise scientific processes involved in simulating age on a brand new guitar is usually met with glazed looks, and a subtle shaking of the head.

Followed by the inevitable, "How much did you pay for it?!"

With that in mind, here are 10 quick comebacks for the next time someone asks about your prized custom shop relic guitar:
  • I keep my guitars in a toolshed I built out back. One day I'll get round to putting a roof on it.
  • I left it with my brother for over a year.  Whenever he and his wife have a fight she takes it out on the guitar.
  • When I told my kids not to play with daddy's new axe, they tried to chop a tree down with it.
  • I tied the guitar to the back bumper of my car and dragged it around town for a couple of hours.  I heard that's how they do it at the Fender Custom Shop sometimes.
  • If you think this is bad, you should see what our cat does to the furniture!
  • Vandals!
  • I've used this thing in more bar fights than I can remember.
  • People say I play harder than Stevie Ray Vaughan.
  • It was a brand new guitar when I checked it in on United Airlines!
  • This is my dog's guitar.

Thanks to Stratoblogster for inspiring this post!

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